Thursday, April 21, 2016

Wild and Wicked Wisteria

By Cindy Pitts Gilbert  Buford Weekly Illustrated April 20, 2016

You are not a tree, you can cut
away the vines. If you need help
 please reach out for it. 
Our mild winter has moved up spring and unfortunately, the high pollen count from April to March. Every morning on our way to work we are all following the yellow brick or paved roads covered in sticky pollen. Georgia's pollen counts are in the thousands. People are sneezing, coughing and wheezing.  Yet, with all that drama the temperature is comfortable and the blooms are amazing.  I look forward to April every year, Why?  Wisteria of course, those grape -like purple blooms that take over every area where they grow.  They are so beautiful, smell amazing and they are all over the county.  The smell brings back my childhood as well as many of my friends and families allergies.  Growing up in Georgia I remember enjoying our neighbor's Wisteria vines invading the yard of my childhood home.  It is a wonderful memory from my youth except for the extra bees they attracted.  
You either love Wisteria or hate it.  Impossible to kill the vines are well, a weed and a very invasive plant. Wisteria  is much like a Kudzu which climbs trees and shrub shading them until the tree dies. My love for the Wisteria  vine is a guilty pleasure because it is really more of a tree murderer. Once it takes over a tree it almost always strangles it to death.  It wraps around the tree trunk and eventually chokes off the tree's plumbing. The poor host tree rots away, the sinister Wisteria creeps along the ground until the fingers of a new stem finds another object to climb, and the murderous cycle continues.   Wisteria doesn't even need the host tree, it can grow up anything, yet whatever living thing it slithers up it kills.   
I couldn't help notice the comparison between Wisteria and people. Specifically, those people in your life that you meet and they seem to ooze charisma.  You are drawn to them because the aroma and sheer beauty of them.  They creep along invading your life, your friends and your time until you are in over your head.  You are slowly being strangled by "The Wisteria Relationship."  They squeeze into your emotions or even your love until you have nothing left.   If you have a person like this in your life. You do have hope. You can get the pruning shears and cut the vines away.   The first thing you have to do is recognize the traits in yourself that the "Wisterian" sees and knows instinctively you will make a good Wisterian Victim.  A Wisterian relationship can be a friend, love interest, co-worker or family member.  
If  you feel useful and loved only when you can take care of the needs of other people, you need to have the approval and acceptance of other people,  you fear expressing negative emotions, you lack a strong sense self. you are unable to say no.   You might be a Wisterian's next victim.  If you do find yourself are in a Wisteria relationship, know you are not alone. You are not a tree, you can cut away the vines. If you need help please reach out for it.  You can't change the nature of the Wisteria Vine you can only change how the vine grows towards you or away.  How you respond can make all the difference . Don't be afraid to find someone to help. Take a class, find a therapist, visit your local library's self help section and most of all learn from the experience. Life's about the lessons.   I always believe when you know better you do better.   

1 comment:

  1. What a marvelous analogy, Cindy. I, too, love the look of wisteria, but am always appalled at how pervasive it is. I'd never before thought to compare it to manipulative relationships, though. Now, however, I'll never be able to look at it and think otherwise. Thank you for an eye-opening article.